It’s my last morning at my nan’s house. Walking out of the door onto the frozen concrete patio, my feet are still struggling to adjust to the fresh air circulating through the wild gully. Numb fingers readjusting to the crisp cold fog that’s refusing to go away being protected from the wind, flowing over the top of the gully leaving the morning fog untouched keeping the frosty chill intact.
The burnt waft of the roasted beans flowing through the house is strong in my nose, it reminds me of when mum has oils in her diffuser. It’s not a smell I love, but I put up with it as kids do. The Humming of the hot pink coffee machine still rumbles in my ears as a constant reminder to leave the adults alone before they have had their fix.
Outside, a fresh aroma of thyme hits me as I step out of the sliding doors. At my Nan’s house, I feel suspended above the valley overlooking everything as if I’m the king of the kingdom. Contrasting to the smells from inside is the smell of nature outside. The thyme filled gully, and colourful autumn trees in the distance. Red, yellow, orange and green trees filling the gaps between the rocks surrounding them with colourful leaves.
In the distance, the Clutha river flows slowly and I can’t help think my life during isolation has been slow just like the river. Behind the river surrounded by the apricot coloured trees are the Central Otago mountains, sitting there like giants amongst the small little town known as Alexandra. Early morning sun rays bursting through the clouds giving the tussocks a golden glow, Like a blanket wrapped around the hill, the corners that look like they should be sharp give a soft flow from peak to peak.
Arriving back at my Nan’s house, So different from when I was last out here standing in the shade. Now I’m staring down from the floor to ceiling windows watching the multiple bees in the flowers, numerous like water drops after a rain shower. The sunbeams shine down on the dull gunmetal grey slabs holding up the house. The light reaching out to every corner of the lounge heating the bright tangerine couches turning them into a cosy place for Grandad to have a snooze on.
Outside I notice the tiny heat waves coming off the slab of rough concrete. I see Nan’s glass bread bowl and I know she’s found the perfect spot for activating the yeast for our sourdough lunch. Underneath the overhang of the master bedroom lays the fresh garden being dug up for our soup to go with the homemade creation. My Hungry stomach aching from the look of the warm dough. Waves of heat blur my vision of the trees that match the coffee machine, filling the part of the Autumn trees. Taking over from my last memory of this gully; cool, foggy and orange.
Now, there are Bees looking for pollen to bring back to their hive, blossom trees attracting them with their blush pink petals. Among the rockface, the hive sits before all the native bushes down the gully. Natural overhangs providing shade for the wildflowers had grown rapidly since last spring covering twice as much area as they did before. I hope that next spring it’ll be covered with all sorts of bright blush flowers. Nan’s house always seems to surprise me with how different it changes through the year, It’s a completely different scene through all of the seasons.
2 Comments
Add Yours →Hey Olly!
Well done on getting starting this assessment. You have been productive during the first couple of hours!
A few things to think about:
– Vary your sentence starters so that the piece has better flow and each sentence leads into the one that follows.
– Developing the details past a single sentence. You want aspects of your scene to ‘interact’ with each other. Using connective phrases, prepositions and conjunctions will help you do this.
– Make sure your verb for is correct. You want to be writing in the present tense consistently. Check back over those notes on tense on the blog to refresh your knowledge on this.
Mrs. P
Hey Olly,
Nice time change! Your piece is well within the task structure. Well done!
During your final four periods of writing, I encourage you to think about:
– Revisiting the advice above. All three bullet points still need to be better addressed in your work. Look back over the notes on the blog to remind yourself of the activities we did when we were learning about these things.
– There is a lot of ‘tell’ happening. As we discussed in class, let the verb you have selected show the reader what sense you are appealing to, rather than naming it (even with synonyms). Ensure you are appealing to a range of senses and using language devices such as personification and metaphor.
– Editing will be really important for you. Read your piece out loud to yourself and see if you can ‘hear’ where you are making mistakes with your grammar, tense and punctuation.
Mrs. P